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Gambling Jokes

Gambling Joke #1

Two men drove a hundred miles to a gas station because they heard of a contest you could enter with every fill up. The two men went inside to pay and asked about the contest. The gas attendant told them “If you win, you get free sex.” The men asked, “How do we enter?” The attendant told them, “Ok, I’ll think of a number between 1 and 10 and if you guess it, you win.” The first man guessed seven. “Sorry, I was thinking of 8,” said the attendant. Next week, the two same guys made the trip back to the same gas station. They went inside to pay and asked the attendant if the contest was still on. The attendant replied, “sure.” “OK, I’m thinking of a number between 1 and 10. If you Play free craps now!guess right, you get free sex.” “Two,” replied one of the men. “Sorry, I was thinking of 3. Feel free to come back and try again,” replied the attendant. As the two men walked back to their car, one said to the other, “I think that contest is rigged.” His friend relied, “No way, my wife won two times last week.”

Gambling Joke #2

When a man arrived home and found his wife packing he demanded, “Where are you going?” His wife replied, “I’m going to Vegas. There are men there that will pay me $500 to do what I do for you for free.” The man thought for a moment and then started to pack his own bags. His wife screams, “What are you doing?” “I’m going with you - I want to see how you live on $1000 per year!”

Gambling Joke #3

Q: How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say f**k?
A: Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell BINGO!

Gambling Joke #4

Bill Gates arrives at a crossroads with one road leading to hell and one leading to heaven. He is told, “Bill, we don’t know what to do with you. You may choose heaven or hell.” Bill takes a quick peek in at heaven and sees two old boring men sitting at table. He takes a peek at hell and sees beautiful women, drugs, sex rock and roll and gambling. Bill says, “I’m a gambling man, I choose hell!” When Bill gets to hell, he is thrown into the fire. Bill says, “What’s going on? Where is all the gambling, women and drugs?” The devil replies, “That was just the demo version.”

Gambling Joke #5

A bingo player says to her friend, “My husband is going to a casino in central Asia.”
“Tibet?” asks her friend.
“Of course, why else would he go?”

Gambling Joke #6

Three friends decided to take their wives on a vacation to Las Vegas. After the vacation was over, they returned home. The next day during a break at work, they were talking about their vacation.

One guy says, “I’m not doing that ever again! Since we got back, my wife flails her arms and yells, “7 come 11” all night and I haven’t had any sleep!”

The next guy says, “Oh yeah, my wife played blackjack the whole time and since then she slaps the bed and yells “hit me light” or “hit me hard” all night long. I haven’t had any sleep!”

The last guy says, “You think you’ve got it bad. My wife played slots the whole time we were in Vegas and now I wake up each morning with a sore di** and an a** full of quarters.”

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